I am not going to bore you with all the details of my 1 mile race. I'd like to cut to the part about my goal for the race which was to "TRY". I would also just like to make it clear that my goal was to "TRY" not to "DIE" or "DIE TRYING". Yes finishing a race so tired that you can't hold yourself up is certainly one for sure sign that you "TRIED" but unfortunately my race didn't play itself out quite that way. Defining how I tried my best may leave some of you asking yourself if I did indeed "TRY" hard enough but in my heart I know I did my best on that day with what experience and racing knowledge I had to work with.
In the days leading up to the race I had become almost paralyzed with fear of failing so really getting to the start line was my first step in trying. Running the race based on my Garmin readings instead of my body's feedback was a choice I made because I did not trust that my body knew how to run this race. I let 2 readings from the Garmin rule this race for me. The first time was rounding the first bend and I noted I was out fast and I decided to base my next move on the number I saw and that move was to slow down. Rather then listen to my body's perceived effort I decided to ease off and cruise midway into the first lap of the 2 lap race. The next time I read my Garmin was at the halfway point, or should I say miss read it. I thought it said I was right on target(wrong) and what I did next based on that number was to hold steady where I was. I was working but I was not hurting but then again I still had another half of the race to go(1 more loop) so I saved my push for the last 400 metres and I ran it as strong as I could to the finish, not dying(probably because I did not push as hard in the middle) but trying and looked at the Garmin across the finish line and WHAAAAT??? The time was not what I expected. The feeling I had at that moment was that I had tried my best and that I had never quit. I had tried to outsmart the race and failed but I had not failed to "TRY". I was only disappointed in the time, not in myself. Infact I was quite ecstatic that I had just finished a race that had scared me so much just a few days before.
In the end my mistake was trying to "THINK" the race instead of "FEEL" the race and that's OK, it was a learning experience and a lesson I never would have learned had I not "TRIED".
On a side note I looked at the video my Mom (Sherpa) Jane had taken of the race and I did not look as graceful or as smooth as I thought I would. To tell you the truth I was a bit embarrassed looking at myself. But I've had some time to think about it and I guess it really doesn't matter how I look to the rest of the world because I don't have to see myself when I run, I only have to feel how it feels and it feels great inside and that is all that should matter to me.